Navigating life being a single Christian woman

OK, so let’s talk about singleness ladies.

Being single is one of the most dreaded situations in the life of any woman right? No one wants to spend the rest of their lives alone. We all want to grow old and die with someone. You and me both sis!

But because of that intense desire to love and be loved, to not be alone, we find ourselves chasing relationships for most of our lives. From the age we are old enough to date, we make finding THE ONE our life’s goal.

To find THE ONE. 

The earlier we meet him, the better in our books. And those of society. The notion of being single scares us and gives us unexplainable anxiety. 

I get it. Been there, done that!!

But is that the truth? Must women always be in relationships? Could it perhaps also be Ok to be single, especially as Christian women who love God? What does God think about singleness? 

If you are intrigued with these questions then hold on tight, today the answers will be revealed.

What does the bible say about being single

The bible talks about singleness from 2 angles. The bible says that singleness is best if you want to serve God unhindered. And I do agree that when we decide to serve and follow Christ our greatest hindrances are our earthly responsibilities.

Being married produces kids and a spouse and subsequently adds even more responsibilities on top of what you initially had when you were single. But being married is also a gift from God. The bible says, in Ecclesiastes 4:9 , “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.”

Singleness is a gift from God

God has granted different people different gifts. To some, he has granted the gift of singleness. The ability to stay single and be content in serving God in your singleness is a gift. 

This is because not everyone will gladly choose to remain single in their earthly life. As humans, we are naturally drawn to need companionship.

So for some people who can be single and be content in that season, it surely is a gift from God. There are many people with this gift in the society in which we live. An easy reference are the Catholic nuns and priests who choose a life of consecration. 

They choose to spend the rest of their lives serving God without hindrances from worldly distractions. The fact that not many people can take this route shows clearly that singleness is a gift from God. Being a single Christian helps these people to live a consecrated life to the glory of God.

Marriage is a gift from God

God, after creating Adam realized that it is not good for a man to live alone. And he created Eve for him. So God definitely does not think that it is good for you or me to be alone.

And like he did for Adam, he already has a helper that is fit for you and me. And likewise, you and I are helpers fit for someone and he is waiting for us.

God did not create sex so that people burn with passion. Yes being single is best, if you have that gift, or if you are called to it.

But if not, by all means, get yourself a husband. Getting married actually helps people not to fall into sexual immorality or burn with lust and or passion. Anything done in marriage is not sin but whatever is done outside marriage then becomes a sin.

 Does God want me to be single forever?

This is a question that most of us ladies ask ourselves at some point in our lives. Especially when we are in a rough patch of not being able to find the one. We ask this question when we are hopeless and feel like God is not working within our timeline.

Ok so to begin with, as new believers, our MAIN focus must be seeking God first. A relationship with God is the single most important relationship that will base and influence every other relationship in our lives. So, before we even think of finding a life partner, we must establish and nurture THE ONE relationship that is essential in our life.

And that is a relationship with God.

When we seek God and His kingdom first, by following His commands and basically surrendering our lives to Him. When we establish and develop an intimate relationship with the one that created us. 

Then we can rest assured that any other desire of our hearts that will follow will be added unto us. “All these things” means the desires of our hearts, the things that we aspire to be blessed by God with, in this land of the living.

And that most certainly includes the man of your dreams. Like me Sis, I know after many failed relationships or even marriage you now desire the right God-ordained partner.

A man who like David was after God’s own heart. 

But there is a season for everything in life. Like  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says,

A time to be single and a time to be married. So let us allow ourselves to be in a single season and enjoy, learn and grow from it as much as God allows us before rushing to the next season before we are prepared.

It is important to have a season of being a single Christian. A season of seeking God first. A season of developing an intimate relationship with our creator. 

Then when we are ready the Lord who respects no person will add to our lives ALL the desires of our heart.

On the contrary when one is married or in any relationship, they spend their time thinking about how to please their partner instead of God. 

Don’t get me wrong sis, it is not wrong to spend time thinking about how to please your partner as marriage is a gift from God. 

But, as new believers, who are still figuring out how to surrender to God it’s clear that there’s a lot of catching up to do from being lukewarm and having no relationship with God to walking with him daily.

And like any relationship, the relationship between us and God also needs time. It needs investment. And what better to not have another earthly relationship dividing and fighting for your attention from the one whose relationship means the world to you. So use this season of being single to maximise on your relationship with God

How can a Christian be OK with being alone?

Let’s be honest ladies. Especially those who have just become recently single and like me had never been single in their lives. Can you believe that since I started dating at like 19 or so, I had never had a period of being single in my life? There had always been someone I was talking to, someone I was dating.

So this question comes when you are absolutely confused and clueless as to how you can find joy in being alone.

As someone who has now been single for over 18months for the first time in my life, this is what I can tell you. Believe it or not, the whole world will NOT come crumbling down because you are single. You are not going to lose your mind with extreme loneliness. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE!!

Sis, believe me, this is going to be your best time yet.

This time of being a single Christian woman will be the time that you need to first meet and encounter the one who loves you the way that you are. The one with whom you don’t have to try too hard to prove yourself.

When you meet and encounter Jesus, and experience the immense love that he has for you, I assure you that you will be so lost in pursuing him, experiencing his love that you WILL be OK with being single and alone.

Renew your mind, rewire your thinking and learn to love yourself first. Let Jesus fill in that void that you have been trying to have men fill in. Because trust me, sis, no one outside God can ever fill that void.

And when he finally does, you will be in a position to love someone else. Because let’s face it, you can’t love anyone if you do not love yourself. And loving yourself comes from being loved by Jesus. 

Examples of singleness in the bible

As Christians, our ultimate source and reference for truth in our lives is the Bible, which is the word of God. So when we want to delve deeper into how it is to being a single Christian, we obviously refer to the biblical examples of single people. How successful these single biblical characters in their ministry because of their singleness and what we can learn from it.

Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour

As followers of Jesus, we obviously begin with him who is the author and perfector of our faith. And taking a look at Jesus who is our role model in the faith we all know that he died at 33 years of age, single, no baby mama nothing. Jesus’ life was consecrated. He led a life only for God and was never married. And we all know what a success he was in his ministry and his calling. Jesus’ mission was to save the world as a sinless man. He managed to remain single for 33 years until his death and I am sure that you agree with me when I say that he succeeded at his assignment. He did this while being a single man. 

Apostle Paul, the writer of most of the New testament

Again we see that Apostle Paul was also single. He never married and spent the rest of his life traveling to the four corners of the earth to spread the good news to the gentiles, which are you and me after he met Jesus. When Jesus revealed himself to Paul, his life was shattered. He was literally never the same.

He probably realized that having a family would have hindered his calling, hindered everything. The way he traveled wouldn’t have been possible if he had a family. But he didn’t. He was independent and free and concentrated only on ministry. And it is because of his consecration that today, you and me gentiles are also beneficiaries to the salvation and grace of God.

What does Paul say about being single?

In 1 Corinthians 7:25, Paul talks like a man, from his own personal opinion not as from God. He says that it is good for someone to remain as they are. “As they are”, probably means the state in which they are when they meet Jesus. 

If you are single, it’s best to remain single. If you do however decide to get married, it’s not a sin but it’s actually a good way to prevent sexual immorality. He does also say however that while getting married is not a sin, it will give you future troubles. Such troubles involve having to split your time for God with being a wife. If you were single you would have been free of earthly troubles that hinder your concentration on God. 

Mary of Magdala

Mary Magdalene was one of Jesus’ female disciples. When she met Jesus, he delivered her from 7 demons and she never left his side ever since. She was single and was ready to drop everything and follow her Saviour. The Bible in Mark 16:9–1, records that she was the first to witness the risen Christ.

Mary’s singleness made it very easy for her to surrender everything and literally follow Jesus from the moment that she met Him and that He changed her life forever. She didn’t have kids to consider or a husband who would tell her that she can’t go with Jesus, that she had to stay home and do her wifely duties. 

She was independent and free to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. And thus she witnessed the resurrection of our Saviour.

Anna, the prophet

Anna the prophetess who we read about her prophecy in Luke 3:36-39. Anna had been a widow for 84 years and had never remarried. She and Simeon were among the first to bear witness of Jesus, the Messiah. The bible says that she never left the temple, she stayed there day and night, worshipping God with fasting and prayer. She waited all these years in the temple because she believed that she would see the Messiah in her lifetime. 

Ana was effective in her calling while being a single Christian. As a result, she spent every waking moment doing God’s work something that may have been impossible had she had kids and a husband. 

She may have missed seeing Jesus in the temple if she had been home doing her wifely or motherly duties. But because she was single she was there when baby Jesus was brought to the temple.

Benefits of being a single Christian

Contrary to what most of y’all think, there ARE benefits to being a single Christian. There are many things that you derive from being single that you wouldn’t otherwise be able to do or get had you been married or in a relationship.

You focus completely on God and grow spiritually

As a single Christian, especially if you are a new believer. You will find that spending time with God will become a priority to you especially if you have surrendered everything to Him. 

You will realize that His voice becomes oxygen to your life. You will desire to hear his voice in every decision that you make. Your need to hear from God makes you want to spend time in the word, spend time in prayer, in fasting worship. 

I have my own testimony of how being a single Christian helped build my relationship with God.

I grew so much in the 18months that I have been single. I have developed a routine of prayer, fasting, devotion, study, and worship that I would not have been able to do if I had been in a relationship. Being single helped me to seek God more openly, more hungrily, more unapologetically.

Imagine that I can just be cleaning the house, listening to worship music and I just break out in worship mode. I start to dance, I start to worship my creator. I burst into tongues unashamedly because no one’s gonna ask me what I am doing. 

The freedom is unmatched.

I may not know much, but I know that God ended my last relationship for such a time as this. If I had stayed I wouldn’t have been where I am today. The season of singleness is gold. It’s a time to find God on your own terms. 

Encounter him how He wills. If you want to pray for hours on end, you are not worried about not giving enough attention to anyone. You aren’t worried about staying up late worshipping because it’s just you and the one who called and loved you.

Ladies, it’s best to stay single while you get your relationship with the Father on the right track. And when you are ready to also be a good wife then you will know.

You allow God to work in you and prepare you to be a wife  

If there is something that being a single Christian has taught me is that when God speaks you obey. When the Holy Spirit convicts, nudges, and any other way that God speaks to us , I obey. In my journey there was and let be honest still is a lot of renewal and transformation into Christlikeness that I am still experiencing.

Let’s face it guys. After living for 30 plus years doing life my way and not listening to anyone there’s obviously bound to be a couple of misinformed mindsets that have built up. Mental strongholds that exalt themselves about the knowledge of Christ. 

And these are the things that God is working on in me. And working on in us all. Transformation is not a one-day process. It takes time for us to have the heart and mind of Christ which is our ultimate calling as followers of Jesus.

But how do we get transformed? Sadly no amount of determination can make us attain that state of Christlikeness. Except for the Spirit of God changing a man, we labor in vain. Only the Holy Spirit can lead us into all truth and remind us what Jesus said and how we are supposed to relate with others.

So when the Holy Spirit is done with working in you to expose and take down all carnality and everything that does not align with his word then we will already be better as people.

And only when we are better women can we be in a position to become better partners/wives.

Because outside God, we can never be the best versions of ourselves. And only once we become the best version of ourselves can we be fit to be a good wife or partner.

So sis, allow the Holy Spirit to work in you. To make you a good mum, a good sister, a good daughter, a good daughter-in-law, and a good wife to someone. And you better believe that while God is working on you He is also working on your man. 

When the 2 of you finally meet then you will be ready to hit it off in a God-ordained way. 

How to live as a single Christian woman

Ok, now that we know that being a single Christian is not the worst thing that can happen to you, obviously the next question will be how am I supposed to live as a single woman right? What am I expected to do for fun, for pleasure if there is any. Well, Im glad you asked because I have a few practical suggestions for you.

Pray for THE ONE

Ok so while you are in your season of singleness, this is the time that you use to get closer to God. Develop an intimate relationship with God and rely on him for every decision in your life.

While you are at it, use this period of being a single Christian to pray for the one. Like literally journaling and writing to God about what you want. Practically speaking describe him to the T. If you have a certain preference be it physical appearance write it down.

Don’t underestimate God. He will grant you the desires of your heart. Write every detail down to the T and pray over that list. fast, pray and wait. Remember Gods timing is the best.

We just need to write that list and believe that god has started doing a good thing in our lives towards that cause and wait.

Evaluate your failed relationships and learn from them

Remember that your season of being a single Christian is just for a while, if you desire to get married obviously. So approach this season more like a preparation season. Where you prepare yourself to being a wife.

Remember we are aiming to get married to a godly man, so we must also know that we werent godly women in our past relationships.

So, while we wait we want to keep track of our thoughts by journaling, spend time meditating on the word, let the word renew your mind, and transform you. During the season of singleness, it’s best to start also working on yourself to prepare yourself to be the best version of yourself. 

During this time you want to assess the past relationships that you had, accept your own shortcomings, and the role that you also played in the ending of those relationships. 

Journal your thoughts and your findings and embark on some personal development to correct things like negative thinking patterns, and basically, all the issues that you also contributed to the failure of those relationships. 

Invest in self-love and not depend on a man for happiness

The season of singleness must teach us to NOT depend on anyone for happiness. This is one of the greatest causes of the disappointment in relationships. A man can NOT make you happy. 

So the sooner you realize this the sooner you are to be less prone to unmet expectations in relationships. During your season of being a single Christian, journal the things that make you happy. What do you like to do.

Then make a bucket list and commit to doing whatever is on that list be it weekly or monthly. Get used to making yourself happy so that when the right man does come along, you are not a needy person who will chase him away.

Being a single Christian must empower you to learn a new skill, start a side hustle to supplement your income, go on girls-only outings, join a gym, sauna. When you are single you obviously have more time for yourself. Use that time to better yourself and work on self-love.

Join a gym, spoil yourself, start healthy habits as well as learn to love yourself. You will realize that until you love yourself, you are unable to love anyone the way that you should. 

Surrender to God and ask Him to bring the right man to you and trust His timing

Resist the urge to rush into a new relationship then ask God to confirm it. Wait on God and trust His plans for your life. Ok, so this here is one of the greatest and most challenging issues especially to us as women.

Listen I get it. We have our biological clock. And we are afraid that oh boy by the time that I reach 40 will I still be able to have babies. So we all naturally want to have kids within a certain timeframe.

But when we see time moving and God not bringing that man to us we start to worry and be unsettled. But trust me, ladies. God’s timing is literally always the best. 

God knows what we need. God knows the biological clock. But remember those kids that we are so stressed about are a gift from God. Some ladies have been in marriage for over 30 years but have not yet received that gift of children.

So sis, Be still. Hush. Be still and know that He is God. When you surrender your life to him you trust whatever his purpose is for your life.

At least, I do that. There are so many things that may not make sense but what I know is that I trust him. He created me and His plans for me are far greater than what my mind can comprehend. 

 And I will trust his timing. You should do that. The bible says in (insert bible verse), When the time is right, I the Lord will make it happen.

Remember that next time you feel that your window has closed. 

Spend more time with your kids and focus on activities that you didn’t do when you were not single

As single mothers spending time with our kids is one of the most challenging things that we have to deal with. Between working a full-time job, school runs, house chores it leaves absolutely no time for the kiddos especially if you are also dating.

But when you are single, that time can be spent hanging out with your kids. Getting to know them better, doing things together, and just guiding them in the way they should go. Children from single-parent households are prone to many attacks from the devil because they are more vulnerable than kids from a household with both parents.

This gives us as moms much more to do for these kids. We need to pray for them, cover them in our prayers and have regular sit-downs with them teaching them the right way that they need to go.

Serve God as much as you can – church ministry, orphans, widows

During the single season my sisters I can not stress enough how important it is to spend time serving God. Go to church as much as you can. Join a ministry that you can serve in and support the work of God. 

Serving the Lord with gladness helps you in your single season because you never know, maybe your husband is waiting for you in church, also serving God while he waits to find you.

So while you wait, serve the Lord, help the needy, volunteer at homeless shelters, soup kitchens, and basically anything that brings glory to God. And the Lord who answers by fire will remember you. He will not ignore your labor of love.

Live a righteous life and keep yourself away from fleshly temptations

Ok so lastly, what I can say is that be holy as he is holy. One thing that I learned when I rededicated my life to Jesus was that all these prayers that we pray will not come out when we are not righteous.

Yes, it’s true. 

When you are righteous, the LORD hears your cries. I am a testimony. Ever since I surrendered my life completely to Jesus and chose to live a righteous life my life has never been better. I have a blessed life. I have abundance. And literally, when I cry out for help he hears.

So that’s a good enough reason to be righteous right? Then also remember the struggles that you faced when you came back to Jesus? All those demonic attacks that came as a result of sinful living? 

Yes, the bible says when a spirit leaves and it comes back it will come back seven times worse than the original state. So please maintain your deliverance. Do not go back to sin. Do not give the devil a legal right to attack you.

I will tell you something. The main reason why I do not practice sin anymore is what sin does to me. I have experienced firsthand what sin does to a person. How the devil attacks and destroys your life when you open doors through sin.

Let’s face it, we are still young. We still have needs right? And being single does not make it any better. But I will tell you something. That time you feel like, Oh let me just masturbate once or have one meaningless sexual relation with a random guy remember the effects of sexual immorality. 

Save yourself, save your children by living a godly life.

So after all has been said and done, the season of being a single Christian is one that is most important and will add to your spiritual growth. Don’t rush through it. Let go and let God do his thing in your life.