5 Tips To Becoming Celibate After Being Sexually Active 

Becoming celibate after being sexually active seems like a myth right?

Girl I know. I thought it was too. I didn’t get the reason why people become celibate. I thought it was a cultlike thing that made zero sense. 

Yolo right? Why restrict yourself. And worse if you aren’t a virgin what’s the point? 

I was that girl who swore to NEVER marry a guy that I hadn’t “test-driven” yet. I am ashamed but the Bible says they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony.

And this is my testimony. I am not that girl anymore and I am not holding back. 

God delivered me and I mustered or rather beat carnality in this area. I have some tips if you are interested in ways to becoming celibate after being sexually active. 

What is the meaning of celibacy?

Celibacy according to Wikipedia,

Celibacy is the state of voluntarily being unmarried, sexually abstinent, or both, usually for religious reasons. It is often in association with the role of a religious official or devotee

Ok so essentially, in layman’s words, being celibate is simply staying single as well as making a choice to not indulge in any sexual relations for reasons that are mainly religious. 

In my case and for the purpose of this post, I decided to be celibate since I am single and since I want to focus all of my time on seeking and growing in God.

What does the bible say about celibacy?

Well, to begin with, we will break celibacy into 2, according to Wikipedia’s definition if we want to see what the Bible says about celibacy.

The decision to stay single:

In 1 Corinthians 7:32-40 , Paul in particular urges people to remain as they were when they met the Lord. If you were single, then remain single, if you were married then again, remain married. 

Paul promoted singleness as he was also celibate and single saying that it gave people more time for the Lord.

Outcomes of marriage such as children and spousal obligations hinder and take from the time that would be given to God had one been single. And this, Paul finds to be something that he doesn’t prefer.

The decision to be sexually abstinent

But Paul also highlighted that this singleness and the celibate thing is a gift that God gives you. This shows that the ability to becoming celibate after being sexually active is not for everyone.

Paul clarified that if you were unable to control yourself, it’s best that you get married rather than struggling with lust and desire.

So in essence the ability to be celibate and follow through with it is a gift from God that not everyone has. 

Why is celibacy important in Christianity?

Celibacy is important in Christianity for many reasons that will help every aspiring celibate.

To start with celibacy makes you pure and Holy as God is Holy. Indulging in sexual relations, especially before or outside marriage is a filthy sin. We all know that the effect of sin is that it creates distance between you and God.

Celibacy also leaves you time to seek God more and grow in God and be able to hear from him well. When you can restrict your sexual appetite surely you can conquer any other temptation that comes to Christians.

When you are celibate you have self-control and this makes you more spiritual rather than carnal since God has given you a spirit of self control. 

Becoming celibate after being sexually active is not an easy task but you truly can do all things with the strength that Christ gives you.

What are the rules of celibacy?

Well, there are no set rules for celibacy unless maybe you are a nun or a monk and you are given a set of rules. 

But if this is a decision between you and God and there are no longer laws for us as we have received freedom through the cross.

No sexual activity.

This includes kissing, masturbation, and anything despicable to God. Some people ask if masturbation is OK while you are celibate, the answer is NO!! 

Masturbation is a sin of sexually immorality and it is a dangerous one at that considering the dangers of masturbation.

I acknowledge that becoming celibate after being sexually active may be too much if it means cutting off all sexual acts. But when you seek God then you must hate everything that is sin.

As you navigate your season of singleness the bible says that you must remain single, as sex is for married people.

Does Celibacy Include Kissing?

This is an issue that is highly controversial in the Christian circle. The bible doesn’t expressly talk about kissing. 

But in my opinion, kissing is a sexual act, and every and any sexual act outside marriage must not be practiced. It doesn’t matter what it is but as long as it is an act of sexual intimacy it’s best to abstain from it.

How to have self control sexually

When you are becoming celibate after being sexually active, it’s normal to wonder how to have self control sexually? This is a good step because it shows your determination to living the live that is set apart into Christlikeness. I have 2 tips on how you can have self control sexually.

Fasting teaches you self control

Generally, the practice of fasting teaches us self-control. When we fast we develop the ability to deist from eating even if we are hungry until the set time is over. 

No matter how hungry you get, you and I both know that the hunger experienced during a fast is surely from the devil. You experience hunger that makes you feel like if you don’t eat you won’t make it.

But after you get used to it you learn to ignore it and focus on the goal and objective of the fast. And you will realize that like always, the devil is a liar. Not eating for a few hours won’t kill you.

The same applies when it comes to having self-control sexually. And it is especially so when you have indulged before. Becoming celibate after being sexually active is a challenge because the body remembers.

We both know that there is a time in a woman’s cycle when the desire to indulge is higher than normal. This can be before ovulation. And when that time comes your body feels as if you will literally go crazy if you don’t get “your dose of indulgence”.

But from someone who has been celibate going on for 2 years now, you will make it. You certainly will not die. You need to tell yourself that I am single, I have made a commitment to God and he is all that matters.

Looking at the objective in this case is looking at God. This is what works for me. Just like you can practice self-control over every aspect of your life, you certainly can train your body to abstain from sexual activities and conquer sexual desire

Seek and pursue God

Seeking and pursuing God is a sure way that you can use to have self-control sexually. My testimony is that since becoming sexually active this is truly the longest that I have gone being celibate. 

Embarrassing isn’t it?

Well, that’s because I didn’t think that was possible. I honestly was ruled and controlled by my flesh. Becoming celibate after being sexually active was something crazy people did, not me.

But thank God for deliverance from carnality!!

When God snatched me out of the world he made it clear that I had to pursue and seek him with every fiber of my being and he would reveal himself to me in amazing ways.

I honestly wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for God. It is God who gives us the desire and the strength to do things that glorify him. 

I have survived Becoming celibate after being sexually active because of God and all the glory and honor returns to him.

How to control sexual urges when single

Becoming celibate after being sexually active is a struggle I don’t want to lie to you. It takes utmost commitment, determination, devotion, and love for God to be able to beat this. 

We are living in fleshly bodies and our bodies desire sex. And it is especially worse when you have done it before. But I will tell you that you can do it. 

With God all things are possible. Here are some tips on how to control sexual urges when single that work for me.

Ask God for strength 

Ok so let me tell you. I never imagined that I would make it this far and the world is mine to conquer. I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And so can you.

Only God can give you the strength to make and maintain the decision to be celibate. You really are not able to do this on your own.

When you ask the Holy Spirit to be the center and leader of your life He will show you which way to go.

He will tell you which situations to avoid. There are many ways in which God speaks to us so he can find one that is situation appropriate so that you can hear him and remain true to your commitment.

Remember why you are celibate- pursuing holiness

When that desire comes remember why you are doing this. It is easier to just have sex than not to right? So making the decision to be celibate comes mainly from God.

Every good decision that gives glory to His name comes from him. So remember that it is him alone.

My reason for being celibate is that I have lived a life where I did what I wanted but got me nowhere, instead it got me in danger and trouble and sin.

So this means that I can not do life on my own. I need God. So needing God and surrendering to him means that whatever his word says I will do.

In this case, the word says to abstain before marriage and that is what I will do.

If I never meet that man that God has for me then very well, I have seen the last of my sexual relations days. 

If God wants me to indulge, which is a gift from him, he will give me a husband, otherwise, I will wait.

Even until the grave. I told God that I will never go before him. He is now the alpha and the omega of my life. My life is not my own but it is his. 

So sis, remember why you got there and you will be strengthened.

How to avoid sexual desire

Sexual desire is something that is not as easy to avoid truth be told. Once we hit puberty the hormones start working in us and our bodies yearn for sexual gratification. Avoiding sexual desire when Becoming celibate after being sexually active is especially harder compared to those who havent indulged.

But using these tips here you can learn to avoid and control sexual desire and focus your mind on other things outside sexual activities.

Avoid watching erotic Tv shows, porn, social media

If I am being honest TV is a great trigger for me. This is part of the reason why I have stopped watching movies or TV shows that show “sex scenes” 

Listen, I am not talking about porn, but yes porn is another thing that one must avoid. Whether you are celibate or not watching porn is a sin so DONT DO IT!!

Anyway, I am talking about TV shows where people are kissing and “have sex” even if it is not the real thing.

Listen, we are still living on earth and still inhabit these fallen bodies. And Becoming celibate after being sexually active is tough because the mind already knows what’s next when it watches things like that and it is bound to stir desire.

So save yourself, sis, don’t put yourself in that situation where you will be left feeling some typa of way. 

Be mindful about what you watch. Have discernment if this show is any good for you to continue with. If not, STOP!!

Avoid idleness- it is after all the devil’s workshops

An idle mind is the devil’s workshop they say. This can not be any truer. I have read many articles about sex, masturbation, or porn addicts who say their reason for wanting sex is boredom!!

Seriously?? Yes, no judgment here.

So the best way to deal with a problem is to avoid or deal with the cause right?

In this case, keep busy. It doesn’t matter what you are doing just don’t get yourself in a place where sex is the only available option for fun.

Read the Bible, study documentaries about God, pray for others and go to church. Keep yourself busy and keep yourself from having sexual desire

Be alert, don’t drink during parties or anything that may result in you losing control

There is a reason why they say don’t drink and drive. Mostly it’s because alcohol and drugs inhibit your thinking and comprehension abilities.

It’s unfortunate that most people who drink swear that they will never get to a place where they are not in control of their actions.

But listen, it is true. As someone who used to drink for many different reasons one of them being wanting to let go and enjoy the life, I can safely tell you that there are decisions that I made when I was drunk that I still regret to this day. 

When you are drunk, that self control that we mentioned earlier goes down the drain. Younger carefree and can do anything that you desire without a second thought.

And among them is the decision to have sex with strangers, this is the basis of one-night stands- someone you have just met and may never see again.

So yeah, protect your self and abstain from drugs and alcohol if you want to avoid sexual desire.

Be among good company not those that will lead you to sin

The Bible says bad company corrupts good behavior. I tell you that peer pressure is not only for high school kids.

I am a 35 year old with worldly acquaintances who cannot understand or comprehend how someone can be single for this long and at least just have some casual sex to cool things off.

I tell you the endless attempts for hookups with their friends, colleagues, churchmates, and so forth. Celibacy for someone who has been sexually active makes absolutely no sense to them.

You have to be very strong and determined to conquer this pressure.

Or better yet- get you new friends who understand and align with what you stand for. People who are not going to pull you down for your decision and or remind you of who you used to be. 

Avoid being in private situations with your boyfriend

This applies to those sisters who are dating but trying to abstain while in a relationship. Those sisters are dating the godly way of waiting to have sex until marriage.

Avoid compromising situations. Avoid situations where you will be tempted to indulge and be unable to control yourself. It gets especially harder, if you are becoming celibate after being sexually active. 

Especially if both you and your boyfriend have done it before. In that case, you need to sit down and discuss how you want the relationship to look beforehand and put Christ at the center.

 When you are both on the same page it is easier if you are trying to Becoming celibate after being sexually active in previous relationships.